December 2009
46 posts
6 tags
All the News from 2009: Headlines in Graph Form →
5 tags
3 tags
4 tags
2 tags
5 tags
4 tags
Into My Pants
Drunken frat guy, you are not getting into my pants on this cold night.
See other college haikus.
4 tags
Reading Out Loud
Thank you, Professor, for choosing the girl with the most annoying voice.
See other college haikus.
4 tags
4 tags
3 tags
6 tags
The Brainstormer →
by Andrew Bosley
3 tags
Parental Control Warning
I always see those pre-tv show warnings that are like, “this program contains adult situations.” What the fuck is an adult situation, exactly? Paying bills? Going to work? What? Generally what they consider to be “adult” is more like “young adult.”
What’s “strong language,” for that matter? To me that means buff, macho, “Buns of...
4 tags
Hoodie
Bitch stole my hoodie. I guess I’ll stick her toothbrush into the toilet.
See other college haikus.
3 tags
Of a sexual nature.
“The birds and the bees?” No. The birds and the birds. The bees and the bees. This is how people come to fuck goats.
4 tags
Bruce Wayne, News Junkie
From The Dark Knight -
James Gordon: That was a very brave thing you did.
Bruce Wayne: Trying to catch the light?
James Gordon: So you weren't protecting the van?
Bruce Wayne: [pretending to be oblivious] Why? Who's in it? ...Do you think I should go to the hospital?
James Gordon: You don't watch a whole lot of news, do you, Mr. Wayne?
3 tags
The Ga-Ga Equation
zenofblogging:
(rah)²(ah)³ + [roma (ro + ma²)] = (ga)²(ooh)(la)²
3 tags
5 tags
This is a test.
I’m testing Tumblr on my Blackberry Curve.
3 tags
Putting "El Scorcho" on a mixtape is basically...
youngandtragic:
jesuisperdu:
(via johnwilkestooth)
Auto-reblog one of the best quotes of ‘09.
4 tags
Yeah, but what kind of vacation.
"This vacation is great! It's just what the doctor ordered!"
"No, your doctor ordered Zoloft and Xanax."
6 tags
6 tags
Sterotyping People by Their Favorite Authors →
I’m grouped into these stereotypes: - Conspiracy theorists. - People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans. - People who have their significant other grab them under the table in order to shut them up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong. - Liars.
This is surprisingly accurate.
3 tags
2 tags
Short.
Next time someone tells me I “came up short” or “fell short” of doing something, they’re getting punched in the stomach.
4 tags
Exam Week
Shoot me in the face. No, seriously. Do it. I have so much work.
4 tags
5 tags
Reflection: What is Your Moral Point of View Now?
This is from my Values reflection paper, which counts as my “final exam” grade. I was spinning bullshit and it turned into this. I probably need to get to sleep soon.
I still believe that a web of positivity connects us all. My new view is a little more complex than just a definition of our morality through our daily interactions. Our circumstances are relative, but our humanity is...
4 tags
2 tags
Spice rack.
I’ve always heard that variety is the spice of life, but I like paprika just as much. It’s actually much more delicious.
5 tags
Ping!!!
KK: Is anything goin on?
Me: I haven't heard anything...
Me: What does it mean to 'ping' you?
PING!!!
Me: What the fuck!!!??
Me: What did that just do? Anything other than that?
Me: How come I can't send anything now?
PING!!!
KK: It's like an alert
KK: It vibrates your phone
PING!!!
Me: Okay. Well, I'm sure I'll be up eventually.
PING!!!
KK: I might come to dinner, I'm just beat.
Me: Okay, we're going 'round 6:15 or so.
Me: Dinner's chinese food!!!
Me: Want to know what the noodle dish is called?
PING!!!
KK: You're a loser haahha
4 tags
“We stand for freedom. That is our conviction for ourselves; that is our only...”
– John F. Kennedy
5 tags
7 tags
“He’s so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Jay Gatsby. We were best...”
– me and my friend, to cheer up my Mean-girls fanboy friend who was having trouble with an essay. translated our set-text (The Great Gatsby) into Regina Georges speech about Janis Ian. He loved it. (via beeizzle)
LOL
(via stayfrostygents)
This is just…awesome.
2 tags
The world is full of magicians.
Can I go to the library and check out the book with every trick in it? People are always using every trick in the book. What book? That’s what I want to know.
3 tags
3 tags
2 tags
2 tags
“Such Great Heights” - The Postal...
1 tag
4 tags
Twenty questions.
I hate when people say, “your guess is as good as mine,” especially if we just played 20 Questions and they needed 25 to figure out what I was. If that’s the case, then no, my guess is better. Yours suck.
4 tags
Or a k. Or a W. Or an M.
I would hate to eat my words. They look sharp and hard to chew. Especially anything with an x. That would probably hurt going down.
6 tags
4 tags
Damn yankees.
Don’t ask me for a “ball-park number.” You’ll get Derek Jeter’s RBI stats for the 1998 season.