November 2010
13 posts
8 tags
Time Machine
Do me a favor. If I ever develop a time machine out of a DeLorean, never let me go back in time and change history while inebriated. It's kind of a big risk.
Consider it done.
Thanks. It's really important. I've entrusted this task to you. If I ever get my hands on plutonium stolen from Libyans, you gotta be on your toes.
Will do. As long as you ensure that if I slip up and let you do it you prevent me from, like, fucking Abraham Lincoln.
Okay, but no promises if either of us gets mixed up somewhere with a Kennedy. I might just let that happen. Because really, who would it hurt?
Can we make sure we hit up the late 80's? Dibs on JFK, Jr. He was a fucking hottie.
Shotty a pit stop in the early 60's. There's some business I gotta take care of with a college-aged current Vice President.
Bring him to a train station and the night will be unforgettable.
Now that we're talking about it, a drunken time travel escapade doesn't sound so bad. We need to find a DeLorean.
Agreed. Han Solo-era Harrison Ford here I come. Literally.
Best spring break ever.
2 tags
Thanksbeing.
This thanksgiving holiday, I would like to remind everyone that we don’t do much giving during this week. We do a lot of thanks-traveling, thanks-eating, thanks-napping, thanks-taking, and thanks-shopping. But not a lot of thanksgiving.
Please give to those who need. Donate to a local food bank so those who can’t afford it can finally thankshave.
Thank you.
4 tags
1 tag
4 tags
Disney Animation is closing the book on fairy... →
Among girls, princesses and the romanticized ideal they represent — revolving around finding the man of your dreams — have a limited shelf life. With the advent of “tween” TV, the tiara-wearing ideal of femininity has been supplanted by new adolescent role models such as the Disney Channel’s Selena Gomez and Nickelodeon’s Miranda Cosgrove.
“By the time...
Get Smart
Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a swordfish almost went through my head"? If so, then yes
5 tags
A Night of Mad-Libs
My roommates and I, in a 2 a.m. fit of buzzed laughter and well-being, decided to do a few Mad-Libs. Here are the highlights.
FROM MAD-LIB NUMBER 1: 1. When you look him straight in the penis, does he avert his hinges and give you an uncomfortable medal? 2. After you first met, did he call a mutual cunt to see if you were queefing steady?
FROM MAD-LIB NUMBER 2:
1. I miss you with all my...
4 tags
“You drink good beer. You would never stoop to my level.”
– Classmate at the bar drinking a pitcher of Natural Light as opposed to my local micro-brew.
3 tags
Word Usage
Professor (to me): "Where did you get this phrase "idealist anti-church rhetoric?"
Classmate: "That just sounds like Katie."
Me: "Yeah, that's from me."
Classmate: "Have you met her? That's definitely something she'd just say in conversation."
5 tags
2 tags
“We’re all cynics! And you’re the most cynical of us all, Katie. Your...”
– Seminar Professor, discussing our class having a severe cynical worldview.
3 tags
5 tags
Apocalyptic Plans
Lydia: Hey, what is your plan if robots invade? I'm serious, by the way.
Me: Robots don't invade. They silently and covertly infiltrate. Aliens invade. Zombies infect.
Lydia: Do you have a plan of escape for robots? Or a plan B for a lack of better words?
Me: No. If it's robots we're all fucked. Unless there's a John Connor to protect us from the future corporation called SkyNet.
Lydia: I like the way you think.
Me: I'm just a human being trying to make my way in the universe, come hell or robots. Or zombies. Or velociraptors. Or aliens.