November 2011
25 posts
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Not New England
President Jed Bartlet: Not New England?
Toby Ziegler: There are some good things in this world not from New England, sir.
President Jed Bartlet: Toby, don't ever let me hear you say that again.
Toby Ziegler: Yes, sir.
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Ask, The Smiths
WatchClinton Foundation: Celebrity Division from President Bill Clinton
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“No man with a genius for legislation has appeared in America.”
– Henry David Thoreau, “Civil Disobedience” (1849)
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“The children can’t be our future because by the time the future comes they...”
– George Carlin, “It’s Bad for Ya!”
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Some people write a book and can't find an ending.
I have an ending, but I can’t write the book.
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The Vending Machine has Become Sentient
I work at what I’d basically call a large outpatient health care provider (it wasn’t my idea, trust me, but it does pay the bills well).
Of course, this means most things are centered around being healthy. Including the food. 90% of the products offered in our little cafe are some kind of organic or natural, or just healthy in general. Which is cool. I dig that as a granola-chomping...
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“When the little red thing pops up over your world, it means SOMETHING IS GOING...”
– Me, explaining Facebook to my mother.
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Suburban Justice's 2012 Election Coverage →
Our greatest contribution to mankind, Suburban Justice, in all its glory is still on hiatus. But Scott and Eber are back to cover the 2012 Presidential Election, with a little help from our friends. Grab your best campaigning chair and join us as we watch politics in action.
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Just found out that Berkeley cops decided it’d be cool to mess with Poet Laureate Robert Hass.
You don’t mess with poets, man. We’re rabble-rousers and we don’t let things go.
While Driving Through Delaware
Dad: What do they make here? Like, what's the chief export of Delaware?
Me: Bidens.
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World headed for irreversible climate change in... →
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Several Bad Puns Later...
Alysha: Let's do something Friday, guys.
Me: I'd love to, but I'll be on I-95 South.
Alysha: Heading where?
Me: Maryland. For a wedding. More like MARRY-land, AM I RIGHT?
Alysha: Oy.
Me: You can punch me in the face for that next time you see me. I'm trying to cure my addiction to horrible puns.
(Radio silence)
Me: ...Speaking of which, I applied for a job in California - a gold prospector. Really. It didn't pan out, though.
Alysha: Oh my god Kathryn. I'm using your real name because I'm that disappointed in you.
Me: I CAN'T STOP. HELP ME.
(More radio silence)
Me: I applied for another job at a blanket factory, but the company folded. I even submitted these horrible things to a Record-Journal contest. About ten of them, actually. I was hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
Alysha: I'm going to go ahead and turn off my phone now.
Me: I'm done. I think it's over. I get these attacks. Like a seizure.
Moustair →
Cannot be unseen.
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What is this, asshole music?
“Me (Standing outside of 21+ “video dance club”) : Is this something I hate? What is this, asshole music?
Hostess/bouncer: What do you hate?
Me: Top 40 music mixed with people who dress like they do for attention.
Hostess/bouncer: Well this is pretty much that.
Me: Okay, I’m going back to my room to drink a bottle of rum. If anyone comes by asking if this is “asshole music” send them to my room.”
Hostess/bouncer: Whatever.”
And my parents wonder why I don't have a boyfriend.
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