March 2011
16 posts
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A Funny Joke.
“The IRS really took the washer woman to the cleaners.”
“Oh the ironing.”
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GOP, Start Your Engines.
I’ll preface this article with a quote from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World Revisited:
“Can a campaign in favor of rationality be successful in the teeth of another and even more vigorous campaign in favor of irrationality?”
As the political pot sits simmering in Washington, all eyes are elsewhere, eagerly awaiting the announcement of Republican and Third-Party candidates tossing an early hat...
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Long-Form Journalism Finds a Home →
RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS.
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Texts from This Morning, Part II
Wait, so you played tonsil hockey with what's-his-name because you felt bad for him?
No, I felt bad for me. It's been a drought season on the farm, my good buddy.
Ew.
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Last Night
Who were you making out with last night?
Some kid named Anthony. Or Ryan. Or some ordinary name like that.
Good job, you don't even know his name.
Am I supposed to? Sorry, I didn't realize I was married to him.
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“I don’t see color, I just see people. Whether you’re black or white, or some...”
– Fred (via whiteboydanceparty)
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On Sale
So my roommate has had these two air conditioners from our freshman year. They’ve been in storage since then, but this year, they’re being stored in the trunk of her car. She apparently asked her boyfriend to write a craigslist ad to sell them.
Here’s what he came up with.
I was looking on craigslist for interesting ads, when I re-loaded the page, that ad was at the top of the...
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Distractions Will Destroy Us.
I really wish I could think about anything else to write about, I really do.
I mean, I could blog my latest open-notebook poem, but that’d be way too hipster for Tumblr and we’d all get those The Oatmeal animations eating the motherboard. I’m not that severe.
Instead, I’m writing my second-to-last English department thesis on Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, and I...
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It was a Good Day.
I just spent the last hour drinking beer and spinning that “modernized first line” of The Metamorphosis into a full-blown “Tik Tok” parody. This morning I found out I won a poetry competition and I ate the best tasting apple I’ve had in a long time.
If this is a prelude to how things are going to be after I graduate, the future is gonna be bitchin’.
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Kafkaesque
After reading Franz Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis,” I can’t kill an insect because now I think that every giant cockroach I see is just a dude having a really shitty day.
Also, an updated first line: “As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself feeling like P. Diddy.”
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Announcement
Me: Yo, what's this wacky announcement thing this afternoon?
Katie: I think we made the Princeton Review.
Me: Boring. Princeton is the Chicago Cubs of the Ivy League.
Katie: I don't know if that's true, though.
Me: No, it's true. Princeton's in New Jersey. It blows.
Katie: No, I mean if that's the announcement.
Me: Oh. Fuck Princeton anyway.
Katie: Truth.
Growing up near Yale and Katie (somewhat) near Cornell gives us the right to say these things. I can say I will probably never attend an Ivy League school unless my work ethic decides it feels like finally kicking in. But nevertheless: bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow!
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Pro-Life
Katie: Oh god, they're trying to start a pro-life group. A club. What the fuck do you do in a pro-life club?
Me: Bitch, whine, stand outside of Planned Parenthood bearing signs with contemptuous slogans, disapprove of others' lifestyles...
Katie: Look at pictures of aborted fetuses and promote poor parenting?
Me: Hang out with the Westboro Baptist Church, get abortions when temptation strikes and sex inadvertently becomes pregnancy, yet somehow rally against contraceptives.
Katie: I have to abstain from this vote.
Me: LOL SO DO THEY.
Katie: They don't have to abstain because they can't get pregnant from sticks in their asses.
Me: Debatable. You don't get pregnant with a child if you're a sodomite, your stomach just swells with Jesus' tears and the fires of hell.
Me: ...Oh, and they'll also need funding for their mom's vice presidential campaign.
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Madison Square Garden
So my parents and I decided to buy tickets for the Big East men’s tournament and go into New York City for the day.
My dad just told us a story as we’re sitting in New Haven traffic on our way to the train station:
“I was listening to sports radio last night at work, and they said that yesterday was the 40th anniversary of the Joe Frazier / Muhammad Ali fight at Madison...
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