February 2012
25 posts
4 tags
The one good thing...
about having one of the two Connecticut Sonic Drive-Ins in my town is that Sonic’s “Happy Hour” goes from 2-4, which means I can put booze in good-tasting drinks for half price and then have a decent buzz for those 4-6 happy hours at the bar.
Success!
3 tags
The Omegle Chats, Volume III: "Roaming Charges"
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello. 22 m usa
You: Hello!
Stranger: wanna text
You: 35, f, International Space Station
Stranger: on cell
You: I'm probably a little out of range.
Stranger: ok
You: I mean, unless you don't mind paying roaming charges.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
4 tags
The Omegle Chats, Volume II: "The Rich Pinko...
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice..."asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hi there!
Stranger: Hey
You: Did you know Jimmy Carter was the first US president born in a hospital?
Stranger: I dont give a shit
You: Why not?
Stranger: why would I?
You: It's interesting.
Stranger: Not really, no.
You: Okay then. That means only one thing.
Stranger: You're not gonna score a lot of girls by hitting them with that crap
You: COMMUNIST!
Stranger: are you serious?
You: HOW'S IT FEEL TO BE RED, PINKO COMMIE?
Stranger: I'm wealthy beyond your imagination
Stranger: my parents
Stranger: are
Stranger: atleast
Stranger: fuck communists
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
3 tags
The Omegle Chats, Volume I: "Joe Jonas and the...
Connecting to Server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice..."asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello!
Stranger: I'm Joe Jonas from the Jonas Brothers. We heard about omegle and wanted to talk to the fans
You: That's great! My kids love you guys! I haven't seen them in months, though.
Stranger: Ohh, that's good to hear that your kids love us :)
You: Yeah, last I heard they were so excited to see you guys on tour.
Stranger: Haha
You: I'm thinking about trying to find a concert near Orlando when I come home.
You: I don't know when that's going to be, though. NASA keeps postponing the shuttle launch.
Stranger: Oh, yeah, that'd be good if you can find one
You: Yeah, I'm sure they'll be psyched.
Stranger: We have a lot of fun doing all of the concerts and such. We're so lucky to have great fans.
You: You guys are so nice. I wish I was home so I could get tickets now.
You: Have you guys ever been to Cape Canaveral?
Stranger: Hmm, it sounds familar..
You: It's where they launch the space shuttles on the Florida coast.
Stranger: Ohh, cool
You: Yeah, they land in Houston though, so I'll have to fly back to Florida once I get back.
You: I'm glad you haven't disconnected me yet, Joe. I've been cut off every time. It gets so lonely up here.
Stranger: Yeah, I know.
You: I mean, yeah, I'm on the International Space Station and all, but jeez, a little human interaction would be nice.
Stranger: haha
You: I mean, is it lonely on the road? On tour?
Stranger: Yeah, sometimes. I mean, there's Kevin and Nick but sometimes it gets lonely.
You: Yeah, I know what you mean. I grew up in a folk-singing family.
You: We weren't the Partridge Family or anything, but we held our own.
You: I never gave up on wanting to be an astronaut, and here I am.
Stranger: yeah :)
You: You guys keep following your dreams though, and you'll go far. Seriously.
You: I've got to go work out, otherwise my muscles will atrophy from the lack of gravity up here. Peace man. Rock on!
Stranger: Okay, thanks for talking to me. :)
You: Bye! I hope my kids and I will see you on tour!
You have disconnected.
4 tags
1 tag
3 tags
4 tags
Playlist Ponderings
My iPod, when on ‘shuffle,’ has a way of echoing how I’m feeling whenever I press play. Today, driving to the store, I turned on the tunes and two songs played back to back that (and I rarely ever say this, because I think it’s that lowest kind of myspace-esque cliché) put some things in perspective for me. I’ve had the same five thoughts eating away at the back of...
3 tags
3 tags
6 tags
The TaeBo 2012 Experiment
This morning, I decided that rather than go for a run (which I consider boring) or go to the gym (because I’m pretty sure I didn’t pay this month and I don’t have the money to do so), I would dig out my mom’s old Tae Bo tapes and do some hardcore cardio and thigh-ripping moves with Billy Blanks.
When I was in middle school, I received my black belt in Taekwondo and...
4 tags
4 tags
The Solar System →
Explore the solar system with this interactive doo-hickey I found while clicking through StumbleUpon.
6 tags
5 tags
"You can have brains, or you can have guns...
… but in this day and age, you can’t have both. This is why the Tea Party Movement and Occupy Wall Street don’t work. The Tea Party had guns, and were all united under one thing: they hate Barack Obama. They couldn’t get anywhere because hating the President because he’s the President isn’t a very cerebral argument. There aren’t a lot of normal,...
4 tags
4 tags
I cannot properly express how much pain I have for...
(via deadpresidents)
Yep.
4 tags
5 tags
How to Have Fun in a Waiting Room, Vol. 1
Bring a black marker. Pick up an edition of Cosmopolitan or the special “Style Watch” edition of People or any magazine that talks about designer fashion.
Circle and/or highlight the clothes that are not going to allow the wearer to flee if caught in an emergency/apocalyptic/zombie attack situation (see figure a.). Pro tip: This especially works for footwear. The more heel or top...
4 tags
Conversations with Bruce, Vol. 1.
Me: Hey, what the fuck is Adele?
Dad: Like, the next best thing, I don't know.
Me: Like, some chick who got throat surgery.
Dad: I guess. Something in People Magazine or something.
Me: You know who else got throat surgery? Julie Andrews.
Dad: Except Julie Andrews was awesome.
4 tags
2 tags
4 tags
How to be a Consultant
So over the last few months or so, I’ve been working as an independent consultant for another consulting firm (I know how this sounds, but picture Alec Baldwin saying this as if he were playing Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock and it totally works).
So as an unsuccessful consultant who has yet to be paid by the consulting firm who has “hired” her, here are my rules of being a...
1 tag
“…you are the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburgs”
– Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock.
1 tag
“I spelled coconut with a seven.”
– Fred, attempting to send a vulgar text but failing to do so. Instead, he sent “coconut.”