Career Services
Soon enough, I’ll be walking across some stage draped in my college’s colors, dressed in a robe (and nothing else, if I have anything to say about it) and shaking hands with high-ranking college officials, diploma in hand. Of course, I’ll be scared shitless because this traditional event that takes place all over the country sometime in the spring will mean that I have to either continue my studies within my spectrum of “English major,” or move into the real world and get a job.
I have been attempting to write a cover letter for about a week. For those of you who don’t know what a cover letter is, it’s basically a letter of praise about yourself that you write in order to make employers think you’re someone they might want to hire.
I have failed in every attempt to write this. I hate writing about myself.
I know what you’re thinking - “Whaddya mean you don’t like writing about yourself? You have a blog, dummy!”
Shut up, this doesn’t count. Smart ass.
Anyway, this is what I’ve come up with so far:
- Dear Hiring Manager,
I am a 4’ 11”, 20-something female who will graduate this spring with a bachelor’s degree in English. I have no marketable skills whatsoever. I’m witty and I can write to any specifications necessary - except if it’s a cover letter.
Please hire me.
I really have no marketable skills. I’m not a hard worker, I’m generally misanthropic - especially when it comes to customers, if you would consider being quick-witted intelligent, then I’m that, but since I don’t consider being a smart-ass to be traditionally book smart, I don’t think it counts. I don’t have much work experience with adults since my summer camp is the only job I’ve had.
I hope my desperate plea in my closing will get me an interview with a sympathetic manager, but I doubt it.
