thedailywhat: Unnecessary Gimmick of the Day:...

Unnecessary Gimmick of the Day: THR is reporting tonight that George Lucas is planning a 3-D re-release of all six Star Wars episodes, starting in early 2012.

From THR:

Part 1, “The Phantom Menace,” would be first out of star-dock in the early months of 2012. After that, each of the films would be released in order at the same time each consecutive year, depending on how well the first re-release does.

Each conversion takes at least a year to complete, with Lucas personally overseeing the process to make sure each one is as perfected as possible. Lucas has said that the “Avatar” experience convinced him that “Star Wars” was ready for the state-of-the-art 3D treatment.

So three years of re-purposed sacrilege, followed by three years of sacrilegious re-purposing. Can’t wait.

[image: truffleshuffle.]

THE MAYANS KNEW. GOOD GOD.
Here’s what’s going to happen:
Episode I is going to re-release. George Lucas and everyone at IL&M will replace Jar-Jar Binks with Hypnotoad. Millions of Americans will put on their 3-D glasses and will immediately be under the control of 20th Century Fox, which will force them to attend numerous movies with that guy from Las Vegas.
Meanwhile, the Tea Party Movement will learn how to harness the power of the internet. An old, white man with a beard and a shotgun will be looking up the meaning and spelling “socialist” when he ends up on the FOX News website. After randomly clicking a shitload of links, he accidentally hacks the Fox corporation.
Thinking that what he’s about to type in is a comment box, he writes “VOTE SARAH PALIN 2012” and presses enter.
Suddenly, millions of Star Wars fans feel the urge to hunt wolves out of a helicopter.
The November election comes; a bitter, vicious race between President Obama, an up-and-coming levelheaded Republican from New England, and third party candidate Sarah Palin.
For the first time since the Whigs, a bunch of fat, angry, heavily-armed white people elect one of their own.
The world is now ruled by Joe Six-Pack and soccer moms all over America. Iran issues one of its weekly benign threats towards the west. In retaliation, Iran is invaded and new nuclear short-range missiles are used.
At this point, Kim Jong-Il has given power to his son, who, distraught by his father’s recent death, decides it’s time to act out. He dresses himself in his army gear and takes the next plane over to America. No one recognizes him because in the ignorant society distracted by pretty three-dimensional space battles, no one knows who the fuck he is. He goes Rambo on the fucking place and single-handedly destroys the city of Cleveland, Ohio. No one notices. He goes home and vows to only use his powers for good. North Korean Batman is born.
As Cleveland rebuilds, the rest of America is split in two as President Palin and Vice-President Rand Paul duel with pistols on the front lawn of the White House over who is the “realer American.” Suddenly, just before they pace ten and turn to fire, a wave of undead people crash through the gate. Secretary of Witchcraft and Masturbation Christine O’Donnell had abandoned her post, allowing one zombified human soul to break free, infecting thousands in just a few hours.
And that’s how the zombie apocalypse starts.
But don’t worry, I’m ready.

(Source: thedailywhat)