Several Bad Puns Later...

Alysha: Let's do something Friday, guys.
Me: I'd love to, but I'll be on I-95 South.
Alysha: Heading where?
Me: Maryland. For a wedding. More like MARRY-land, AM I RIGHT?
Alysha: Oy.
Me: You can punch me in the face for that next time you see me. I'm trying to cure my addiction to horrible puns.
(Radio silence)
Me: ...Speaking of which, I applied for a job in California - a gold prospector. Really. It didn't pan out, though.
Alysha: Oh my god Kathryn. I'm using your real name because I'm that disappointed in you.
Me: I CAN'T STOP. HELP ME.
(More radio silence)
Me: I applied for another job at a blanket factory, but the company folded. I even submitted these horrible things to a Record-Journal contest. About ten of them, actually. I was hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
Alysha: I'm going to go ahead and turn off my phone now.
Me: I'm done. I think it's over. I get these attacks. Like a seizure.