Warning: Glue bonds immediately to skin
Last night, I managed to super-glue a beer can to my hand.
Here’s a little background, because I think we’re going to need it.
About a week ago, I woke up to get ready for work and walked into the living room to turn on the television. Because I still live with my parents, this is basically a ruse to convince my mother that, yes, I’m awake and getting ready and no, not back under the warm comfort of my bedsheets. Yawning and cursing my morning hangover-induced weekday headache, I opened my eyes to see the Christmas tree on the floor, face down like a bum in a gutter.
Shards of ornaments littered the carpet, creating a minefield of sharp things for one to maneuver with bare feet and sluggish legs. Dad and I lifted the tree to its upright position and secured it to the wall with some twine.
Out of all the shattered ornaments though, only notable one that broke was my “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament. I’m adopted, and was born 4 lbs., 1 oz, so I was in the hospital (because of both my health and the backwards adoption) from my birthday in late October until I came home on December 15th. So I was just home in time for Christmas. I gotta figure this is kind of an important thing to my parents, even if it is just a little keepsake (but then again, so am I).
After a few beers, and having been left alone in the house, I decided I could fix the “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament with a steady hand and some Crazy Glue. I pieced together the ornament and carefully applied the adhesive to the edges, being careful to avoid my fingertips and the paper plate I used as a workstation.
I missed, apparently, because while holding the pieces steady so the glue could dry with one hand, I reached for my open beer with the other and quickly found that I was not able to put the can down. With a flurry of profanity, I let go of the ornament and rushed to the medicine cabinet, hoping to find some nail polish remover or something to unstick the sticky situation I had stepped into.
Panicking, I realized that if there wasn’t any nail polish remover, I had an instant DUI stuck to my hands if I drove myself to Wal-Mart to buy a remedy. Thank god there was a full bottle of lemon-scented glory in the cabinet, because I could see myself saying, “Now Officer, I know what this looks like, but you’re never going to believe what’s actually going on.” I submerged my hand and the can in a tub of 70% nail polish remover, 30% warm, soapy water and in about 20 minutes, the can was slowly, but painlessly, removed.
For what it’s worth, I fixed the ornament.
