Straitjacket Punditry.
Over the weekend, I was alerted by a real patriot that my government is screwing me in ways I’ve never been screwed before.
The name of this real patriot? Mr. Glenn Beck.
If you don’t know much about Glenn Beck, this is pretty much all you need to know: he’s probably insane.
On Saturday morning, he tweeted a request for his followers to be watchdogs and “bark” problems they find with congress or the Obama administration. Of course, I took it upon myself to help Beck find out what’s wrong with this country.
Because I love it too. And I fear for it.
My watchdog “barks” have included:
- ACORN paid for community woodchipper in the town of Fargo! They are directly responsible for any unauthorized use!
- ACORN shot J.R.!
- Citizen Kane traded in Rosebud under “Cash for Clunkers” program!
- If not for the regulations on industry imposed by liberals in Congress, Terry Malloy coulda been a contender!
- ACORN is the cause for Soylent Green! It’s people!
And that’s just the beginning. Since Saturday, I have tweeted 23 alerts to Beck, hoping that, for the sake of this country that we both love so much, my voice will be heard.
However, I have been attacked for my alerts, which I don’t quite understand. All I’m doing is letting Glenn know that ACORN and the Obama administration are working together to destroy America. That’s all I’m doing.
I would like to point out something that has been brought to my attention, though.
Today, because of my suggestions of government misdeeds, I turned on The Glenn Beck Program on Fox News this afternoon, and I couldn’t help but notice how over the top our good friend Glenn is. Then, it came to me. Maybe he’s not as crazy as we all think. Maybe it’s a ruse. Maybe one day, after leaving KC101 in Hamden, Connecticut, he turned on talk radio and heard Rush Limbaugh spewing over the top, unfounded-in-reality opinion over the airwaves. Maybe, that afternoon, Glenn said to himself, “Hey, I can do this.”
He’s much like Stephen Colbert and Stephen Colbert in this respect. He has a personality and a real life. The point is, however, unlike Colbert, no one knows that the “Glenn Beck” personality is not really the Glenn Beck person.
Everything he has been in his career, so far, is nothing more than a social experiment to see how many stupid Americans he can get to listen to him.
So, for the sake of America, my friends, there is only one last piece of advice I have for you:
Stop listening to Glenn Beck.
Whichever way this turns out, with my prediction being right or wrong, it doesn’t matter. I could be just another Howard Beale wannabe spewing my own ideology across the airwaves, but what’s one more? What’s one more crazy person in this crazy world? All it really does is make things interesting, and I’m certainly not one for a dull party. The advice I gave above is still viable.
To quote Professor Harold Hill, the salesman from The Music Man, “Remember my friends, listen to me because I pass this way but once!”
