How to fix America.
There’s talk of health care reform. Of course, where there’s talk of health care reform, there’s going to be fuckery.
I’ve mentioned before that I work at a four-week day camp sponsored by my town’s parks and recreation department. Camp runs from 8:30AM to 3:00PM Monday through Friday.
I was at work the other day, and I realized something so simple that every camp counselor, past and present, should understand what I’m saying.
The easiest way to solve all of America’s problems is to think like a summer camp counselor.
Our camp is like America. The ‘citizens,’ otherwise known as campers, pay $50 per four week session. In other words, these are the taxes I pay out of my paycheck to the federal government. Every day last year, an ice cream truck came right after lunch and sold ice cream to the kids. Because the ice cream truck was not included in the price of camp, this can represent a free-market economy. Howerver, when kids started to leave hunks of bubble gum around the playground, we had to ban and regulate the sale of ice cream with bubble gum in it.
I’m not an economist, so that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Now let’s get to health care. When a kid gets hurt, we don’t demand that they pay us a quarter for a band-aid or three dollars for an ice pack. If a kid skins his knee or runs straight into a metal pole, we care for them. That’s included in the price of camp. Do the other kids care that little Johnny gets a band-aid every day because he’s a spaz? No. They’re happy because they know that if they get hurt, there’s a cold ice pack waiting to soothe their every bump and bruise.
Here’s how Senators, Representatives, and other public figures should handle the town hall meetings with rowdy audiences: make attendees sit in silence for five minutes. When they talk, start the time over. If they’re still rowdy, take away dodgeball.
I’m still not sure what dodgeball is in the analogy, but once I do, hell, I’m in business.
Hear that Obama? Hear that Congress? Think like a camp counselor.
