(via ilovecharts)
I’m watching An Inconvenient Truth
Does anyone else have the urge to watch cerebral documentaries when they’re drunk?
Actual Text Messages I Tried to Send
To Twitter, 11:41 PM
I cank( make ouit withla capitalist. Me: lol erO\cyt
12:05 AM
CaTn yiU. Cim GeY. Newt. P.
Suspected Translation: Can you come get me, please?
12:07 AM
EIY;muy
Suspected Translation: Get me.
12:09 AM
Cvaqr’m
Suspected Translation: ??????
12:11 AM
NegEr mindre
Suspected Translation: Nevermind.
The Good, the Bad, and the Nights I Forgot About
I like
every night that
I say the next day
was a “bad night.”
Because the “bad nights”
are always the best nights.
I always feel like I’m lying
through my teeth
the next morning
when I say I fucked up.
We both know I didn’t.
Three-Martini Lunch
I’ve got mixed feelings. I believe when together they’re called a “dry martini.”
Hangover
There’s a difference between having a hangover and being a buzz-kill.
The difference is that when you have a have a hangover, there are at least two people laughing at you, and you’re laughing too.
Greatest Country in the World.
Dad: This is the greatest country in the world. Only at the America kiosk in EPCOT can you get a beer when the rest of the park is closed. God bless America.
Me: They're not selling beer.
Dad: This country sucks. How come I can't get a beer after 9 PM here? Someone should tell Obama to fix that.
Me: Right, because THAT'S what he's most concerned about. Of all the things he needs to fix, I'm sure that's at the top of the list. Right now, he's saying, "Fuck health care reform, fuck the economic downturn, fuck equality, and most of all, fuck those two wars. If I can't get a beer in EPCOT after the fireworks, there's no point in fixing that shit."
Dad: Okay, you win. We've got rum back in the room anyway.
