Twenty questions.
I hate when people say, “your guess is as good as mine,” especially if we just played 20 Questions and they needed 25 to figure out what I was. If that’s the case, then no, my guess is better. Yours suck.
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Too Late, Trotsky is part blog, part journal, and completely pointless.Following
I hate when people say, “your guess is as good as mine,” especially if we just played 20 Questions and they needed 25 to figure out what I was. If that’s the case, then no, my guess is better. Yours suck.
I recently heard someone say, “man, did Jeffrey Dahmer have a lot of skeletons in his closet or what!?”
Dude, understatement of the century.
I totally want to hang out with the owner of this car. Seems like a groovy dude.
Have you ever stood in the kitchen utensils section of your local supermarket and thought, “hey, I wonder if someone used a knife they bought here to kill someone?”
Do you think Ben Franklin ever invented something, set it loose upon the world, and all people said was, “this is nothing but a pile of worthless shit!”
My Sundays are usually reserved for lazy activities; sleeping in, playing a video game, thumbing through a book, watching the Sunday news shows, taking a quiet stroll through a park, nursing the irreconcilable hangover that’s been brewing for two nights, etc. Today was different.
At around 2 in the afternoon, I heard a knock on my door, something completely innocent and common. When I opened my door, I was greeted by two girls whom I have never met. I stood puzzled as to what was going on. They introduced themselves and asked me if I went to school here. I live in a dorm. Red flag number one. Then they asked if I was a freshman. I live in a well-known upperclassman dorm. Red flag number two. They started asking me what my major was and if I have taken any communication-based classes. I said I was an English major and that I’m actually concentrating in communications, so yes, I have taken classes in that subject.
Then they started telling me about something. I couldn’t hear or understand them. All I did was nod and smile. Then they said something about a survey and a contest and whipped out a piece of laminated paper. They asked me to pick out a magazine that I like and handed me the paper. I said that I liked Ski Magazine.
They said something about putting a sticker on my door, none of which I understood, and then asked if I had a table they could write on. I pointed to the table behind them in the common room, and they pulled out what looked like a checkbook. I recognized the paper as a receipt and said, “woah, woah, woah, am I paying for this? You guys said it was a survey.” I proceeded to tell them that I refused to buy anything from them, and that they could promptly go fuck themselves.
Can deaf people recognize when their farts are going to be loud?
Sometimes I wonder how many Americans know the first ten digits of Pi.
You don’t see many people using shoehorns anymore.
I got into a Twitter argument with two people today. Well, technically I got into an argument with one person and a name-calling session with the other. It all started when I tweeted about Glenn Beck’s spelling mistake. My exact tweet was:
Me: I kind of hope there was some cameraman on Glenn Beck going, “no!! that’s not how you spell that!!”
Which, to normal people, isn’t a bad comment, just a playful joust. Well, the first argument came shortly after.
UserA: @KatieEber who cares if he can’t spell. Half of America can’t spell
The content was centered more around the politics of punditry and what people with the outreach that Beck has should and shouldn’t do on air.
Well, for some reason, that person felt the need to call for backup. I’m just overwhelming, I guess.
I got bombarded with questions from another user, mostly about health care reform. I think my favorite response to one of my tweets was:
UserB: @KatieEber Aha, so you’re a communist…I mean Democrat.
I proceeded to explain that yes, ideologically I am a liberal. However, I am not a Democrat. On my voter registration, it clearly says “Independent” under party affiliation. Apparently this was too much to understand. It got to the point where I needed to get to my Shakespeare and decided to dismiss the argument with something that would make me laugh and make this user extremely annoyed.
UserB: @KatieEber You seem to be forgetting who truly runs this country. Does this ring a bell? “WE THE PEOPLE”
Me: @UserB Oh, okay then.
Me: @UserB CONSTITUTION FIGHT!!!
Me: @UserB DON’T TREAD ON ME
Me: @UserB LIVE FREE OR DIE
Me: @UserB FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO
This didn’t work, and I started to become suspicious that one of these users was actually just Howard Dean throwing a curveball at a supporter of Health Care Reform. When UserB started with the name-calling, I decided that it probably wasn’t Howard Dean, but I still had my suspicions. I was growing weary of the argument, so I decided to go directly to the source and plead with the person in charge of training these numbskulls.
Hey, @glennbeck! Call your watchdogs @UserA and @UserB off! They’re barking so loud I can’t get anything done!
What I love most about human evolution is the fight-or-flight response to danger.
Basically, your hypothalamus sends a message to your brain stem that stops all of your reasoning thoughts and forces your body to either get ready to face the peril or run the fuck away.
So if you’re walking through the woods one day and you see a puma in a bush, the conditioned response is,
”HOLY SHIT, THERE’S A PUMA IN THAT BUSH!”
and not,
“I wonder what that puma is doing hiding in that b-ARGH!”
There is nothing interesting about humans. If we still acted on our animal instincts, we’d be much more fun to watch.
We do have those Animal Planet shows with the British guy narrating. They just lack the British guy narrating. MTV’s been doing it for years. Our generation’s safari specials are just Reality TV.
Reality television is a testament to how fucking boring we are as a species — we need to have a camera crew following around the very small minority of pituitary retards. The people plastered all over American TV screens are just chosen by the rich assholes who own the networks because they know we’ll never shut the TV off. We can’t get enough.
So, I pose this question: Are we really that fucking boring that our own lives suck so much that we need to watch someone else waste their life away?
