I was watching An Inconvenient Truth in a tired stupor, and somehow, my twitter quickly became flooded with “Al Gore Facts.” I believe it started when I noticed that my ripped copy of the film had Spanish subtitles, and I quipped that “Al Gore can be boring in two different languages at the same time.” I apologized, saying that he was pretty cool in my book, but in my book, he’d be a kung-fu master battling kung-fu treachery. Here’s what happened:
- If Al Gore was a kung-fu master, he’d use a scissor kick instead of a scissor lift.
- Al Gore doesn’t need a recount, he needs a re-counter-kick.
- Al Gore was the Vice President because that’s where he put the balls of people who disagreed with him. In a fucking vice.
- Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize because his kung-fu kicks are more powerful than dynamite.
- Al Gore churns out three things: award-winning documentary films, best-selling books, and pure, unadulterated pain.
- Al Gore’s Prius is a motherfucking Transformer.
- Al Gore wanted to make an apple pie from scratch, so he traveled back in time and created the universe.
- Al Gore won’t run for President again because “running” is too slow of a pace.
- Al Gore didn’t “invent” the internet. Al Gore looked at his computer screen and the internet was scared into being.
How hot is it?
Well, let’s start with this: It’s hotter in my hometown than it is in Las Vegas. I live in Connecticut. I demand that the gratuitous amount strippers, hookers, neon lights, and casinos are moved here immediately.
It’s so hot that Satan walked into town and spontaneously combusted. Police are still wondering what exactly Cher was doing here.
It’s so hot that my thermometer sprouted legs and said, “fuck this, I’m out of here.”
Today, my professor was discussing the neoclassical, natural law version of the supply/demand model in comparison to the heterodox, socially influenced one. He was criticizing the naturalization of a man-made and man-regulated economy when he said that we should all be wary of anything in the news justified because it is “natural.”
The first thing that came to mind was the argument against global warming as climate change. That kind of thing is exactly the naturalization of a synthetic issue. There’s scientific evidence that the 19th Century industrial revolution had a significant effect on the environment and the ecosystems surrounding the polluted centers. Hell, even without science we can see the way humans have changed the natural world (i.e. the Exxon Valdez, dolphins in tuna nets, animals with their heads stuck in those plastic 6-pack rings, etc, etc).
It makes sense to me now that the opposition to global warming is that it’s a natural thing. The easiest way to justify doing nothing is to say, “nah, it’s cool, it’ll just fix it self like it usually does.”
And THAT reminds me of this old joke from elementary school:
This guy is in a bar and he sees this hot young lady with blond hair. He walks up to her and asks, “Is your hair dyed?” She says, “It’s natural.” and brushes her hair with her hand.
Later, he sees a hot brunette and asks her, “Is your hair natural?” She says the same as the blond.
Suddenly, he sees a hot girl with green hair. He asks, “Is your hair dyed?” She pushes her hand over her nose, covers it with boogers, wipes it in her hair and says, “It’s natural.”
No, it’s snot.
Just so everyone knows, it’s the second week of October.
You wouldn’t be able to tell by stepping outside, though. The normally brisk and chilly morning air is unusually humid and stuffy.
And by that I mean the temperature is in the 70’s and 80’s when it should be in the 50’s.
It seems that Mother Nature never got the memo about it being autumn now.
So what’s the deal? In an office, continued failure to comply with company regulations would get you fired. I think it’s time we issued Ms. Nature a warning. Another mishap like this and she’s getting shit-canned, so to speak.
Seriously, Ms. Nature. File those TPS reports or we’re going to have to let you go.
![thedailywhat:
Of Note of the Day: According to CNN, there is snow on the ground right now in 49 states, with Florida being the only exception. How unusual is this? “This is extremely unusual,” says CNN, “though it’s hard to put a date on when this last happened because records aren’t kept on this kind of event.”
Actually, Google tells me that this last happened exactly 11 months ago, with the only difference being that the holdout then was Hawaii. A USA Today article reporting on the phenomenon in 2010 quoted weather service meteorologist Brian Korty as saying that “it’s extremely rare to have so many states with snow.”
[cnn.]
Somewhere, in a bar, Al Gore is drinking a beer. Soon, a man wearing a “Git-R-Done” trucker hat will approach him, buy him a beer, then say “global warming, huh?”
Al Gore will be arrested for inciting a bar fight.](http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lew52uZ27S1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg)
