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Too Late, Trotsky is part blog, part journal, and completely pointless.

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9 February 12

Everyone knows this commercial, right? It’s for Subway’s month-long promotion for Five Dollar Footlongs.

Here’s the thing. Abraham Lincoln and George Washington were both Presidents of the United States AND were born in February.

Ben Franklin was never a President. Nor does he appear on the five dollar bill. Nor was he born in February (January 17th, actually).

WHY IS HE IN THIS AD?

30 November 10

Time Machine

  • Do me a favor. If I ever develop a time machine out of a DeLorean, never let me go back in time and change history while inebriated. It's kind of a big risk.
  • Consider it done.
  • Thanks. It's really important. I've entrusted this task to you. If I ever get my hands on plutonium stolen from Libyans, you gotta be on your toes.
  • Will do. As long as you ensure that if I slip up and let you do it you prevent me from, like, fucking Abraham Lincoln.
  • Okay, but no promises if either of us gets mixed up somewhere with a Kennedy. I might just let that happen. Because really, who would it hurt?
  • Can we make sure we hit up the late 80's? Dibs on JFK, Jr. He was a fucking hottie.
  • Shotty a pit stop in the early 60's. There's some business I gotta take care of with a college-aged current Vice President.
  • Bring him to a train station and the night will be unforgettable.
  • Now that we're talking about it, a drunken time travel escapade doesn't sound so bad. We need to find a DeLorean.
  • Agreed. Han Solo-era Harrison Ford here I come. Literally.
  • Best spring break ever.
7 May 10
Second Acts: Presidential Lives and Legacies After the White Houseby Mark K. Updegrove
An interesting read about the post-presidential lives of our heads of state, starting in depth with Harry Truman and ending with Bill Clinton. The book adopts an anecdotal and humanist view on eight of the men who were both loved and hated by constituents during their tenure in the White House. This is a must read for the political junkie, especially in the turbulent partisan atmosphere of Washington today, simply because the legacy of the president you hated in office might change with Updegrove’s short biographies.

Second Acts: Presidential Lives and Legacies After the White House
by Mark K. Updegrove

An interesting read about the post-presidential lives of our heads of state, starting in depth with Harry Truman and ending with Bill Clinton. The book adopts an anecdotal and humanist view on eight of the men who were both loved and hated by constituents during their tenure in the White House. This is a must read for the political junkie, especially in the turbulent partisan atmosphere of Washington today, simply because the legacy of the president you hated in office might change with Updegrove’s short biographies.

15 February 10
thediamondmind:

Hair-Portraits of the presidents.  From left to right: George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, Grover Cleveland, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama.

“Hair to the Chief”

thediamondmind:

Hair-Portraits of the presidents. From left to right: George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, Grover Cleveland, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama.

“Hair to the Chief”

28 January 10

Let’s admit it.

Let’s face it, George W. Bush’s speechwriter was a monkey with a Speak ‘n’ Say. Please, can we as a nation admit that now?

15 January 10

Just like Luxembourg.

  • Me: Sorry I missed class this morning. What did we do?
  • Professor: You missed most of World War I.
  • Me: Yeah, I completely slept through it.
  • Professor: Oh, like Luxembourg.
13 January 10
Unlisted Explanations for the Banning of Several Musicians Included on this List, Part I
1. The Sex PistolsThe Sex Pistols go on Holidays in the Sun as a result of their self-described “reasonable economy,” which alludes to the basic capitalist economic model.
2. The B-52’sThe B-52’s are living in their own Private Idaho. Ownership of private land is a distinct characteristic of the bourgeoisie.
9. Iron MaidenIron Maiden is not Iron Butterfly. The Union of Youth thought they were getting In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida and were disappointed when they received Iron Maiden’s eponymous album instead.
11. AC/DC AC/DC are considered neo-fascists because they only salute those who are about to rock, a subset of the population who are well-known members of the bourgeoisie. They have also used their powers over industry to skew the effects of rock ‘n’ roll on the environmental problem of noise pollution.
20. Talking HeadsTalking Heads burned down a house built on state-owned property, thus causing a significant disruption in homeland security.
29. The RamonesIn their ballad of a spoiled child, The Ramones say that the young lady is going to join the “Ice Capades,” an extremely violent and militant revolutionary group who kidnap and brainwash young people in the United States in the name of communism, impeding the spread of non-violent communism by giving it a bad name.
34. Village PeopleThe Village People’s vision of a mighty and strong Macho Man, which, from the way they describe, sounds like worship of deity.

This has been a public service announcement.

Unlisted Explanations for the Banning of Several Musicians Included on this List, Part I

1. The Sex Pistols
The Sex Pistols go on Holidays in the Sun as a result of their self-described “reasonable economy,” which alludes to the basic capitalist economic model.

2. The B-52’s
The B-52’s are living in their own Private Idaho. Ownership of private land is a distinct characteristic of the bourgeoisie.

9. Iron Maiden
Iron Maiden is not Iron Butterfly. The Union of Youth thought they were getting In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida and were disappointed when they received Iron Maiden’s eponymous album instead.

11. AC/DC
AC/DC are considered neo-fascists because they only salute those who are about to rock, a subset of the population who are well-known members of the bourgeoisie. They have also used their powers over industry to skew the effects of rock ‘n’ roll on the environmental problem of noise pollution.

20. Talking Heads
Talking Heads burned down a house built on state-owned property, thus causing a significant disruption in homeland security.

29. The Ramones
In their ballad of a spoiled child, The Ramones say that the young lady is going to join the “Ice Capades,” an extremely violent and militant revolutionary group who kidnap and brainwash young people in the United States in the name of communism, impeding the spread of non-violent communism by giving it a bad name.

34. Village People
The Village People’s vision of a mighty and strong
Macho Man, which, from the way they describe, sounds like worship of deity.

This has been a public service announcement.

11 January 10

Presidents

So a few days ago, before I left for school, I was at Target looking for a bift, which is a portmanteau for “bad gift.” A bift is a completely useless or pointless object given as a gift.

I bought phonics flash cards. I also found U.S. Presidents flash cards. I wanted them, so I got ‘em.

The last night, I was packing to return to college, and I threw the box of presidents flash cards into the suitcase I was going to check. They were still in the box, perfectly fine, when I zipped up the bag and headed to the airport. I paid the $25 checked baggage fee and handed my precious cargo off to the TSA agent so it could be scanned for potential dynamite-filled underwear (of which there were none).

My travels went off without a hitch. I was reunited with my beloved bag in the baggage claim at my final destination. I got back to my dorm room, unzipped my bag, and looked inside, expecting to see all of my clothes and other objects just as I had left them.

Nope.
There were presidents EVERYWHERE.

Somewhere between home and college, the box of U.S. Presidents flash cards opened up and dumped its contents among my fashionable garments.

15 November 09
Headlines from a newspaper I found in my grandmother’s stuff.

Headlines from a newspaper I found in my grandmother’s stuff.

13 November 09
Photo number nine I found in my grandfather’s stuff.

Photo number nine I found in my grandfather’s stuff.

29 October 09
Photo number eight I found in my grandfather’s stuff.

Photo number eight I found in my grandfather’s stuff.

18 October 09
Photo number seven I found in my grandfather’s stuff.

Photo number seven I found in my grandfather’s stuff.

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh