Too Late, Trotsky

26 January 12

“ Watching the Republican Presidential Debate tonight, while four lowest-common-denominators bicker in high-definition stereo, I realized something. I’m a graduate student with no job and no hope of moving out of my parents’ house, but, because of the health care reform bill signed by President Obama, I have the insurance to cover the alcohol poisoning I’ll probably get from the Republican Presidential Debate drinking game I’m playing.

24 January 12

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thedailywhat:

SOTU: President Obama embraces Rep. Gabrielle Giffords ahead of tonight’s State of the Union address.

[nbcnews.]

This is what America’s about right here. Perseverance and support.

16 November 11

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I was going through the emails from the Suburban Justice account, and saw that we had emailed the author of the above book, “Help Mom! Radicals are Ruining my Country” with a very specific question.

Ms. DeBrecht,

Just out of curiosity, on the cover of your book “Help Mom! Radicals are Ruining My Country!” who is the likeness second to the right supposed to be? I see Senator Harry Reid, Represenative Nancy Pelosi, Representative Barney Frank, Senator Chuck Schumer, Senator Chris Dodd and President Barack Obama.
Who is the guy in the yellow jacket with one shoe standing behind the hot dog?

Thank you,
Suburban Justice Staff

The most bizarre thing about this isn’t that she answered us, but rather that we somehow typed the phrase “guy in the yellow jacket with one shoe standing behind the hot dog” about something that’s actually real.

If you’re wondering who it is, it’s supposed to be Chris Matthews. Which I guess makes sense if you’re on LSD.

4 May 11

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Situation Room

kryanjones:

I’m a little skeptical about this whole Osama Bin Laden being dead thing. I mean, do they honestly expect us to believe that this is the White House Situation Room?

Everyone knows this is what the Situation Room looks like:

Do you think Admiral Fitzwallace would even set foot in the alleged Situation Room above? I don’t.

29 September 10

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“ Obama’s ethnicity? He’s Hawaiian and Muslim.

— A Fox News-watching Political Science major

I corrected this fairly quickly saying, “There are so many things wrong with this statement, but I’ll start with the obvious two: 1) ‘Muslim’ is a religion and 2) he’s half white and half black.”
Realizing now I should have said, “half Kansan, half Kenyan.” Just to see if Kansas is in Africa somewhere.

29 April 10

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Hail to the Ch-ch-ch-chief

Day 1

So for Christmas, my mom got me a Barack Obama Chia Pet.
Chia Obama
A fan of Obamerchandise, of which I have previously written articles about at Suburban Justice, I was elated.
I was poised to start growing a Chia-fro on the the president, until I realized I had to return to college on an airplane, not by driving as I had planned. The Chia inauguration had been put on hold.

It wasn’t until I returned home from school this weekend that I decided it was time to elect a President that would grow a small and unsubstantial herb garden on his clay sculptured head.

I started by clearing an area on the counter and looking over the box thoroughly.

And by that, I mean I threw it on the counter.

Opening the box, I removed the clay Obama head and placed it on the counter, prominently displaying the President on the green marble counter. He looked goddamn inspiring.

Look at that good-looking pottery-faced motherfucker. That is our president, ladies and gentlemen.

Reading the directions, you’re supposed to soak the head in water for an hour.

If the Chia gods wish it to be so…

So the next step was to mix the seeds with water, which was supposed to make them into a sticky, paste-like form.

I disagree. This looked more like what a chinchilla would vomit.

Just as the directions told me to, I smeared the seed-puke onto the head of Obama, which is something I never want to hear on C-SPAN. It ended up looking like this:

Which actually, if you think about it, will probably look like Obama in about 10 years. But other than that, there is little resemblance.

Let’s just hope that I don’t cause the President’s herb-hair to turn brown instead of a lush green afro.

17 March 10

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2010 Presidential NCAA Men’s March Madness Basketball Bracket

18 February 10

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13 October 09

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Greatest Country in the World.

Dad: This is the greatest country in the world. Only at the America kiosk in EPCOT can you get a beer when the rest of the park is closed. God bless America.
Me: They're not selling beer.
Dad: This country sucks. How come I can't get a beer after 9 PM here? Someone should tell Obama to fix that.
Me: Right, because THAT'S what he's most concerned about. Of all the things he needs to fix, I'm sure that's at the top of the list. Right now, he's saying, "Fuck health care reform, fuck the economic downturn, fuck equality, and most of all, fuck those two wars. If I can't get a beer in EPCOT after the fireworks, there's no point in fixing that shit."
Dad: Okay, you win. We've got rum back in the room anyway.

9 October 09

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Nobel Peace Prize.

Steve: I cannot believe the Nobel Peace Prize has become so trivialized. He has done NOTHING at ALL, much less something amounting to peacemaking.
Me: I woke up to about 300,000 tweets about this and apparently missed a shitload by starting my break early. However, it does put him in a place where he can't just sit with his thumb up his ass. Now that he's got it, he has to back it up.
Steve: He can try. So full of shit.
Me: Well, his thumb's up his ass. You can't take a shit if there's an obstruction. That Nobel Prize is heavy. You need two hands to hold it.

Posted: 1:28 PM

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Scott's First Editorial on Suburban Justice

Scott takes on all the people hating on President Obama and his new, shiny Nobel Peace Prize.

3 October 09

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Obama, man, I’m happy for you, and I’mma let you finish, but Nixon had one of the best Halloween masks of all time. OF ALL TIME.

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh