I got into a Twitter argument with two people today. Well, technically I got into an argument with one person and a name-calling session with the other. It all started when I tweeted about Glenn Beck’s spelling mistake. My exact tweet was:
Me: I kind of hope there was some cameraman on Glenn Beck going, “no!! that’s not how you spell that!!”
Which, to normal people, isn’t a bad comment, just a playful joust. Well, the first argument came shortly after.
UserA: @KatieEber who cares if he can’t spell. Half of America can’t spell
The content was centered more around the politics of punditry and what people with the outreach that Beck has should and shouldn’t do on air.
Well, for some reason, that person felt the need to call for backup. I’m just overwhelming, I guess.
I got bombarded with questions from another user, mostly about health care reform. I think my favorite response to one of my tweets was:
UserB: @KatieEber Aha, so you’re a communist…I mean Democrat.
I proceeded to explain that yes, ideologically I am a liberal. However, I am not a Democrat. On my voter registration, it clearly says “Independent” under party affiliation. Apparently this was too much to understand. It got to the point where I needed to get to my Shakespeare and decided to dismiss the argument with something that would make me laugh and make this user extremely annoyed.
UserB: @KatieEber You seem to be forgetting who truly runs this country. Does this ring a bell? “WE THE PEOPLE”
Me: @UserB Oh, okay then.
Me: @UserB CONSTITUTION FIGHT!!!
Me: @UserB DON’T TREAD ON ME
Me: @UserB LIVE FREE OR DIE
Me: @UserB FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO
This didn’t work, and I started to become suspicious that one of these users was actually just Howard Dean throwing a curveball at a supporter of Health Care Reform. When UserB started with the name-calling, I decided that it probably wasn’t Howard Dean, but I still had my suspicions. I was growing weary of the argument, so I decided to go directly to the source and plead with the person in charge of training these numbskulls.
Hey, @glennbeck! Call your watchdogs @UserA and @UserB off! They’re barking so loud I can’t get anything done!
Over the weekend, I was alerted by a real patriot that my government is screwing me in ways I’ve never been screwed before.
The name of this real patriot? Mr. Glenn Beck.
If you don’t know much about Glenn Beck, this is pretty much all you need to know: he’s probably insane.
On Saturday morning, he tweeted a request for his followers to be watchdogs and “bark” problems they find with congress or the Obama administration. Of course, I took it upon myself to help Beck find out what’s wrong with this country.
Because I love it too. And I fear for it.
My watchdog “barks” have included:
- ACORN paid for community woodchipper in the town of Fargo! They are directly responsible for any unauthorized use!
- ACORN shot J.R.!
- Citizen Kane traded in Rosebud under “Cash for Clunkers” program!
- If not for the regulations on industry imposed by liberals in Congress, Terry Malloy coulda been a contender!
- ACORN is the cause for Soylent Green! It’s people!
And that’s just the beginning. Since Saturday, I have tweeted 23 alerts to Beck, hoping that, for the sake of this country that we both love so much, my voice will be heard.
However, I have been attacked for my alerts, which I don’t quite understand. All I’m doing is letting Glenn know that ACORN and the Obama administration are working together to destroy America. That’s all I’m doing.
I would like to point out something that has been brought to my attention, though.
Today, because of my suggestions of government misdeeds, I turned on The Glenn Beck Program on Fox News this afternoon, and I couldn’t help but notice how over the top our good friend Glenn is. Then, it came to me. Maybe he’s not as crazy as we all think. Maybe it’s a ruse. Maybe one day, after leaving KC101 in Hamden, Connecticut, he turned on talk radio and heard Rush Limbaugh spewing over the top, unfounded-in-reality opinion over the airwaves. Maybe, that afternoon, Glenn said to himself, “Hey, I can do this.”
He’s much like Stephen Colbert and Stephen Colbert in this respect. He has a personality and a real life. The point is, however, unlike Colbert, no one knows that the “Glenn Beck” personality is not really the Glenn Beck person.
Everything he has been in his career, so far, is nothing more than a social experiment to see how many stupid Americans he can get to listen to him.
So, for the sake of America, my friends, there is only one last piece of advice I have for you:
Stop listening to Glenn Beck.
Whichever way this turns out, with my prediction being right or wrong, it doesn’t matter. I could be just another Howard Beale wannabe spewing my own ideology across the airwaves, but what’s one more? What’s one more crazy person in this crazy world? All it really does is make things interesting, and I’m certainly not one for a dull party. The advice I gave above is still viable.
To quote Professor Harold Hill, the salesman from The Music Man, “Remember my friends, listen to me because I pass this way but once!”
Congratulations, if you’ve made it here, then you must have had either Tom Hanks or Nicolas Cage decoding the many clues I left along the way. Either that, or you clicked the link in my twitter profile. Whatever.
So, you’ve decided to follow me on twitter, have you?
Yeah, I guess I have. Who are you, exactly?
I would suggest going here to find that out. If you’re in a hurry, here’s the abbreviated version: I’m graduate student in Connecticut. I plan on getting an MFA in Poetry Composition and then basically living with my parents because I’ll never get a job with that.
So, what are you? Some kind of expert?
No, I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty good at faking it.
What do you tweet about?
Everything. Mostly politics, beer, skiing, and general criticisms of media and other people. Sometimes nothing really relevant.
Do you do anything other than twitter?
Well, I write at this blog, Too Late, Trotsky. I also double as a somewhat-professional beer pairing cicerone at Examiner Online. Scott and I are covering the 2012 Election at a separate site for Suburban Justice.
If I wanted to contact you, how could I do that?
I am accepting comment cards through Twitter DMs and @ replies. You can also send me an email at ineberated@gmail.com.
